George M. Cohan lied. We greatly dislike Broadway.

Sorry for the inconsistent blog updates - we are currently at a Starbucks in the Cumberland Mall in Vineland and I only have two hours worth of $3.99 internet to sum up our eventful trip into New York City. Here goes:

Yesterday, we drove to Trenton, NJ to catch the NJ Transit train to Pennsylvania Station in the heart of New York City.

The train ride on the way to the city was really laid back - we were basically the only people on it.



We got into Penn Station a little bit after noon and, in retrospect, definitely wandered out of the wrong exit. It had rained all morning, so most of the city (and like the rest of our trip) was covered in a misty haze. Its pretty well-known that NYC isn't known for pristine conditions, so the gray skies only made our first impressions of the Big Apple less than favorable.

Our first few blocks around the city was literally the blind leading the blind. Courtney's Aunt Sarah said to us, "Its better to go without an agenda - you can just come across things around the city."

Well, the first things we "came across" happened to be dirty lunch carts, adult shops, shirtless construction workers, and dilapidated buildings that more than likely had a few crack heads hiding behind the broken windows.

Three blocks into New York, we decided we hated it.

Eventually, Courtney and I came to the conclusion it would be best to use the map in one of the tour books she picked up from AAA.

We found Madison Square Garden and set up camp on one of the cleanest benches we could find (avoiding as many homeless people as possible) and tried to come up with a game plan.

We were in New York so the first place we decided to go? 5th avenue.

We spent the most time in this store, H&M. It was two stories of cheap, trendy dresses and jewelry. Most importantly, my best bet for an affordable dress for my older sister Heidi's wedding in August.

We both wandered our separate ways and met up back in the fitting room with an armful of clothes. I had grabbed this really cute tube-top lace dress and it was the first thing I tried on.

It was a tight dress, so I wiggled it on but was let down when I couldn't zip it up. Defeated, I tried to pull it down when I realized: it wasn't coming off.

Three possibilities went through my mind:

1. Pull it back over my head
2. Somehow get Courtney to yank it off for me
3. Oh god, they are going to have to cut the thing off.

The longer I kept pulling it every direction, I started to get upset and thought for sure this would be the dress I would get buried in. It absolutely was not coming off. I yelled for Courtney and yanked her into the fitting room.

Me: "Dude, this isn't coming off."
Courtney: "Huh, whoa, WHAT?"

She tugged at the bottom of the dress, looked me up and down, and backed out of the fitting room.

Courtney: "I dunno dude...."

Thanks, Court. Remember the time I picked strawberries out of your braces in the 10th grade? Never again.

Needless to say, I finally got it off after fifteen minutes of sweating and borderline sobbing.

I was traumatized after Dress-gate 2009. No more trying on clothes for me.

We finally left H&M and continued down 5th avenue. We walked endless amounts of blocks, without Central Park anywhere in sight. We finally came up to Washington Square Park, which was included a scene from my favorite movie, August Rush.




We decided to consult the all-knowing tour book yet again when we realized we had been going the wrong direction the entire time. We somehow ended up in lower Manhattan, by NYU's campus.

After getting oriented with our surroundings, we set off on our 5.7 mile journey to Central Park. Here's the route we took:



That also isn't counting the 3.7 miles from Penn Station to Washington Square Park. Total miles walked: 9 miles! Not counting the times we rounded the corner over and over again. We had a longggg day.

Random things we encountered from Washington Square to Central Park:

1. Man walking by said to me: "What BEAUTIFUL toes!"
2. Fearless pigeons attacking us in Bryant Park
3. a 3(!!) story McDonald's!
4. Mark Twain's Manhattan Townhouse
   

Central Park

Courtney got attacked by mallard ducks in Central Park. I found it hilarious. She did not.

We also loved seeing Central Park because we both love Law & Order: SVU, and every other episode features a dead body found somewhere in Central Park.

Chris Meloni (star of SVU) better watch it, if polygamy ever becomes legal he will find himself a pair of blonde brides.

After we had enough of staring at trees in the park, we set our next destination as Times Square. Of course, we again tried to wing it but failed miserably. We, although, did find ourselves out of the ghetto and into civilization and parts of Rockefeller Center.





On the way, we found St. Patrick's Cathedral - easily one of the most beautiful churches I had ever set foot in.


The pictures don't even do it justice. It was amazing because the serenity inside of the church contrasted with the crowded chaos outside, it was difficult to believe the cathedral was in the heart of New York City.

Courtney lit a candle for her mother and grandparents.


After St. Patrick's, we wandered around a few blocks before finally finding Times Square.

Times Square was... interesting. Personally, I found it to be a little more tacky than I thought it would be.





NYPD blocked off one of the streets for construction so New Yorkers set up camp with folding chairs and were just sitting around in the streets. It was hobo city.


When we decided we had enough of NYC, we started walking down by the Broadway theatres trying to find a taxi. We had absolutely no clue how to hail a taxi, they aren't very prevalent in Fort Myers or Gainesville. The square was extremely congested, and as we were walking down the sidewalk I was behind Courtney holding onto her purse.

There were a few things we were terrified of happening in the city.

1. Being mugged
2. Being abducted

So a majority of the time we were on the look-out for creeps. At one point, I noticed this man had been following us for a couple blocks. He was shorter, dressed in a suit with a flat-top hat and had a long beard. If he was trying to blend in, he failed miserably.

I kept looking back, and he made eye-contact with me more than once. I knew he saw I noticed his presence directly behind us. He kept getting closer and closer to Courtney, when I saw him extend his arm towards us. I made a split second decision and shoved Courtney through the crowd and into McDonald's.

Court: "What are you doing?? Let me at least get past all the trash bags on the street!"
Me: "Trust me, you'll thank me later!"

Even though the McDonald's was a little sketchy in itself, it certainly was better than getting assaulted by an amish rapist.

Thanks New York, we've had enough.

Philadelphia tomorrow!